An Adoptive Parent "So much of parenting is about letting go. Whether we give birth to a child or we choose to adopt, our job as parents is really to set them free. This task is even more of a challenge for the adoptive parent because we want to protect them from the inherent unfairness that is built into their coming to be with us. My son did not choose to have me ..........."click here to read more

A Birthparent "Though we were experiencing internal physical and emotional pain, we were deemed appropraite to once again join mainstream society without the external sign of our pregnancy. ..."click here to read more

An Adopted Adult "I was adopted from CHSFS when I was 6 weeks old through domestic adoption. I was adopted by my loving mom and dad and have lived a wonderful life. When I was 18, I called and started the process of finding out ..."click here to read more.

"Growing up as an adopted person, a unique perspective characterizes the way I view the socially constructed institution of family. Being separated ..."click here to read more.

Whatever the circumstances surrounding an adoption, each member of the adoption circle-the adopted person, the adoptive parent(s) and the birth parent(s) experience seven lifelong issues related to the adoption experience.

Recognizing these seven issues allows members of the adoption circle to believe that the unique emotions they are experiencing are real. This makes it acceptable to seek out the needed help and resources.

Click here to find more about what these Seven Core Issues of Adoption are and their characteristic experiences?

"It is a beautiful book, both in how it is said & the drawings. It talks about the three names of a child adopted from China - the name given by the birthparents, orphanage & adoptive family." - Adoptive Mom

You are invited to a book reading and signing for Three Names of Me -written by Mary Cummings, illustrated by Lin Wang.

• Saturday, October 7 at 10:30 a.m.; Barnes & Noble Booksellers, 2080 Ford Parkway, St. Paul, MN
• Staurday, November 25 at 10:30 a.m.; Red Balloon Bookshop, 891 Grand Avenue, St. Pau, MN

This month we begin the new Ask PAS (Post Adoption Services) column in which answers and suggestions are given from CHSFS adoption experts in response to YOUR questions. If you have a question related to you or your child's adoption, please email jlee@chsfs.org. Please note that we cannot respond to all emails, but stay tuned to upcoming issues of this newsletter to see if yours is answered. Thank you!!

Dear PAS: I thought it was a good idea to "remember" my 7- year old son's birthmother once a year and so on my child's Gottcha Day every year, we burn a candle and say a prayer. Then we keep the candle on our fireplace mantle throughout the year. My son has never looked forward to this ceremony-the candle or the prayer. After the ceremony, my child seems distant and withdrawn. I have friends who are also adoptive parents and they tie a red string to a balloon and let it loose into the air each on their child's birthday to show their child her connection to her birthmother. Are these kinds of ceremonies even a good idea? Should I just skip any sort of remembrance ritual? Maybe I'm stressing my child out. -Adoptive Mom

Honoring your child's birthmother is a ritual that can evolve as your child grows. Your son is not too young to be involved in deciding what this could look like. If he is anxious about it right now, it might be best to alter the ritual or to get his input as much as possible. How would he like to remember her? Perhaps the candle on the mantle throughout the year is too much of a visual reminder that he has lost something. Giving your son the power to shape this ceremony might change his approach to it. A conversation around his feelings and acknowledging the mixture of emotions he feels as this day approaches is important, as is your decision as a family to honor his birthmother in this way. There are many other ways to create a ritual on this day: you can create a "treasure box" and allow your son to share his feelings on paper, draw a picture or write about all that has happened in the past year that he would like her to know about. This would give your son the chance to share his anger or ambivalence in a way that validates his feelings and keeps him involved in the process. -Post Adoption Services at Children's Home Society & Family Services

Many of you who receive this e-newsletter are unable to take advantage of some of our local educational offerings. In response to this, as of December, Post Adoption Services and Children's Home Society & Family Services will be offering numerous webinars and podcasts on our website which will be available to adoptive families and waiting families throughout the United States.

• What's a podcast?
• What's a webinar?

Initially, these webinars and podcasts will be available to you free of charge and will be announced in all future Post Adoption Community News e- newsletters. Stay tuned!

From the Birth Parent's View

• The Girls Who Went Away- Fessler
• I Wish For You a Beautiful Life - Dorrow
• Life Givers: Framing the Birthparent Experience -Gritter

From the Adopted Person's View

• After the Morning Calm - Wilkinson
• A Single Square Picture - Robinson
• Chasing Away Shadows - Russell
• A Sealed Secret Kinship - Modell